I had a memory from when I was growing up that I am not even sure is real or not. The memory is that of staring at myself in the mirror and realizing that the person in the mirror is “me”. It was a very stark moment of realization for me that “that is me, that will always be me. That’s it”. I remember staring at the mirror for quite some, Of course, I know that other people exist, and that they are living and interacting iamong each other. Perhaps for a long time I never considered that I am … one of the person?
For long time, I don’t really know what to do with this information/realization. It did made very interested in the self and consciousness. Unfortunately for me, there’s no one else to talk to about this stuff so I have mostly been thinking about this by myself. Thus, it has mostly been an intellectual curiosity for me and nothing more.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized a very grim consequence from this realization: That I will always be alone.
The realization is that no matter how close I am to a person, I will always be in my own head and theirs in their own heads. No matter what emotions or feelings that I am experience, I am experiencing it by myself. This other person is someone that I will never be able to fundamentally connect. It is another person, with wholly different and disjoint experience that I will never be able to tap into.
Perhaps this explain why I usually feel sorrow whenever I am with people that are very close to me. It is as though even I am emotionally so close to them, I will forever be by myself in my own head.
Is this strange? Does everyone else feel the same way?